Update: if the ad is still running, then assume that I still need someone :)
Do not call before 10am! (Texts are fine at any hour). Preferably do not call at all, only text. Texting is highly preferred to calling. Please text me a summary about yourself, and if I like it, I will call you for an interview. I don’t want to be bombarded by 200 calls. Also, please read the entire ad. I know it is long. But it is all very very very important information for the job.
NO MALE APPLICANTS. WOMEN ONLY.
Also me get a sad warning technicality out of the way first, because this is the internet and Craigslist: if you are a creepy male pervert, you need not apply. You will not be able to get at me to hurt me, even when I am sick and weak. Because I have 2 dogs who are very protective of their mommy. And a useful thing called: a gun.
If you are a good person, don’t worry. My dogs are good doggos who are friendly towards good people—and I am friendly to good people too. :)
Side note, if you want to come run home to let my doggos out in between visiting me at the hospital, I will pay you extra for that. Or if you want to drop them off at a doggy daycare.)
Now that the technicalities are out of the way and hopefully only good-hearted and sane people remain:
Job description:
At minimum, I need someone for the next 24 hours, for $350ish. Roughly $20 an hour. And you can get paid more and then it into a longer multiple days long job, if you come the hospital to be my advocate the next day, and the next. And however long I am in the hospital. (I anticipate 3-7 days).
Then if it goes well, we can turn it into a part time caregiver job, 3-5 days a week, in the afternoons. There’s some kinks to work out in that hose and this post is not mainly about that second half of the job offer. It is mainly about the first half of the job offer.
First half description that I need very urgently:
I need someone to come with me to the emergency room and then stay with me at the hospital, to be my friend, my patient advocate, my witness, to prevent medical malpractice.
Because I am sooooo sick, I am 100% definitely getting admitted and hospitalized. Probably for several days.
And the last two emergency room visits and hospitalizations I had (for illnesses related to why we are going again)— the doctors kept ignoring me, malpracticing, and ignoring the fact that I kept telling them “I think I have a digestive infection”— and now it’s been a month from hell, and I’m STILL pooping nonstop diarrhea and vomiting, for a month straight, and I haven’t been able to keep down solid food for a month. I am skin and bones now. I have been living off of juices and Gatorade. Because even soups often make me vomit. My digestive system is THAT MESSED UP.
But doctors keep malpracticing and not taking me seriously They keep saying that I do not have a digestive infection (but yet they run no stool culture test to check for an infection?). LIKE HELL I DON’T HAVE AN INFECTION. THEN WHY CANT I EAT SOLID FOOD FOR A MONTH STRAIGHT?!?! Dang, malpractice is wild.
That’s why your job is to help me get doctors to believe me and take me seriously, snd prevent medical malpractice.
Also, at the last hospital visit (Lutheran) one of the nurses got violent with me when I couldn’t sit up fast enough and long enough on her outrageous demands (and I didn’t even need to sit! She just had an obsessive control complex, and she was enjoying forcing me to do stuff!) and she wouldn’t believe me that I have an abdominal connective tissue injury from all the vomiting and coughing (I think I vomited and coughed so hard that I tore something in my abdominal wall. Like the connective tissue, or a ligament or tendon or something. Because now my belly is flipping around unsupported, and I cannot use my abdomen muscles on drmamd. Literally. I cannot. I cannot use my abs to sit. I cannot use my abs to poop or pee without screaming in pain. And I can literally feel the searing pain on my left side and top and bottom where the connective tissues are torn or hyper extended . I literally cannot use my core muscles correctly, there have nothing to pull against when they squeeze!
Anyway this psycho nurse, kept saying that I was “disobeying her”. Despite me repeatedly saying, “Lady I am trying to obey you. But I am injured I cannot move the way you want It’s like trying ti walk on broken legs! I have an abdominal injury!”
And she pushed my body so hard thst it tore the injury wider and now I cannot use my core muscles AT ALL. So we need to get that diagnosed too! I mean, I already know the diagnosis myself (because I can DAMN FEEL IT). But I need a doctor to confirm the diagnosis and write it in my chart, so bully nurses cannot hurt me anymore!
Also your job will be to prevent bully bad nurses or bad doctors from bullying me in the first place, LOL. (Not every nurse or doctor is a bad or a bully. Many were wonderful! But a few were insane and cruel! Like this bad nurse who took a small partial tear, and made me keep moving on it and would not let me rest— and it just tore my injured core to shreds. Tore the injury wide open. Now I have 0% use of my abdomen muscles AT ALL!)
In the meantime. I have a horrible digestive infection (from food poisoning that I got a month ago). And I’m sick, weak, feverish, and malnourished. I haven’t been able to eat real food and keep it down without throwing it up, for a damn mont! I am turning to skin and bones. And the digestive infection is getting worse—i have nonstop diarrhea. I’ve been living off of Gatorade, juice, and a little bit of soup if I occasionally don’t throw it up . I’m getting really physically weak and I feel like the infection is spreading. I’m feverish and wesk and malaise and crappy feeling all over.
I don’t need you to call 911 for me. I don’t need that. PLEASE DO NOT DO THAT BASED ON THIS POST. (I had someone do that before. It did not help me—instead it made everything worse. I do not feel comfortable going to the emergency room yet, without a caregiver. So don’t do that. Also, I am not dying right this minute anyway, I don’t need you to call 911 on me, I won’t be dead. I don’t need 911. I can call 911 myself, and I will, if things get bad enough. Hopefully they won’t, and we can pack and take our sweet casual time getting time ready for the emergency room.)
Please please PLEASE DONT BE CRAZY.
Frankly I’m not falling for that again. if anyone crazy screws me over again, then I’m calling police on them and pressing charges, once this thing is over. So don’t try to pull anything crazy.
And DO NOT TELL ME: “I will come help you at (insert time we scheduled her to arrive at my house).”
AND THEN GHOST ME. FOR 4 DAMN HOURS. AND THEN TELL ME, “Oh, I don’t have a car, actually.” And then it was the middle of the night, and too late for me to hide anyway else, and she really screwed me over.
Because a DIFFERENT CRAZY WOMAN DID THAT TO ME!
I cannot believe I have to say this:
“DO NOT TELL A SICK PERSON THAT YOU WILL COME HELP THEM, AND THEN GHOST THEM. THAT MAKES YOU A BAD PERSON.”
(And if you are a bad person who does that type of thing as a prank, well, I’ll follow up with police against you and press charges if anyone pranks me like that or pulls a stunt like that again, after I get out of the hospital, because that’s a harmful prank to pull on a sick person!)
I know I sound like a bitch. I am not. I am just trying to weed out the crazy people. You have no idea how hard it’s been to find a good quality person to hire. If you applied before and I missed your text message, it was simply lost in the slew of texts and calls from other people.
Honestly? I am a pretty great person.
I am a christian and a pastor. (But I don’t preach hate, fyi, I have nothing against LGBTQ+). I help other people when they are in need. But I recently moved cities, and I’ve been too sick to goo it and make friends, which is why I don’t have a lot of friends here yet. , that’s why I need you. I’m basically “hiring a friend”. LOL. Feel free to become my friend for real. ;)
I also like: RPG video games, history (especially religious history), being red-pilled, board games, long deep conversations, nerdy sci-fi and fantasy like Stargate SG-1 (my favorite show) and Lord of the Rings (favorite movies) and Parks and Rec (current binge and favorite re-show)
Also:
I have 3 autoimmune illnesses, so I do not present with typical healthy person infection symptoms (high fever, high wbc (white blood cell count), high CRP (a type of inflammation that usually shows the body saying “oh damn something is really wrong” but it doesn’t work in people with autoimmune illnesses).
So the doctors kept claiming: “your fever isn’t high enough, your WBC isn’t high high, your CRP isn’t high enough, you don’t have an infection”— despite me telling every doctor and nurse:
“Those measurements are not accurate for determining infection in me!”
I even begged the doctors, every day, to consult my PCP who is also my autoimmune illness specialist, because I knew that and that she would confirm everything I said as truth!
And yet I just found out from an appointment with her a few days ago:
None of the hospital doctors ever reached out and spoke to her! NONE
That’s sooooo illegal!
So yeah— I sure as hell need a witness and an advocate with me. I’m scared they are going to kill me, if I don’t!
We need to put a stop to this nightmare, and make sure that 1) Doctors take me seriously and don’t ignore me. That they actually believe me, diagnose me, and treat this digestive infection. 2) I also need doctors to diagnose and treat this abdominal connective tissue injury/tear. I know it’s there because I can damn feel it and I can see my belly my falling around like jelly, but doctors at the last hospital literally only poked their head in the door, said 1-2 sentences to me, and left the room Every time I never even got to have a real conversation with any of the doctors! 3) I need a witness with me in the hospital at all times, to make sure that if I get a crazy nurse again, there is a witness around so that they cannot hurt me again!
Note: even if you cannot be there as a witness alllllll the time or for the full hospital visit, you can still apply. Maybe you can help at least one of the days. Please state your availability in text.
Most urgently I need help today, Wednesday the 19th.
Your job is basically: medical malpractice deterrent. And witness of medical malpractice occurs. And ice-chip grabber, lol. And friend, if you want to chat and become friends. :)
Originally the ad was for last night, but I posted it at like 11pm and no one (no one sane sounding) answered. That makes sense, LOL, it was late.
So I guess we are going to the hospital in the morning! Or early afternoon! If the ad is running, the job is open! Text me!
I don’t know which hospital yet. First please come to my house, and help me pack my stuff to go, and get ready to go. And then we will decide where to go.
Bonus points if you are willing to stand guard as I shower or take a bath first.
Because I haven’t even showered after the last hospital visit 2 weeks ago. Yes it’s gross. No, I am not a gross person. I am just been too sick to shower. Usually I like to shower daily.
But I’ve been too weak to shower alone safely lately, I felt like I couldn’t do it, without someone to be there in the bathroom with me, in case I faint. Which is wise of me.
My skin feels absolutely disgustingly dirty and itchy all over. So I NEED TO SHOWER before going to the hospital.
You would be hanging out outside of the shower. You would be NOT watching, you don’t need to help me shower. It’s more like: help me up the stairs. And then hang out in the bathroom, facing away, and check in verbally every so often, to make sure I didn’t faint. I can sit on the shower floor and wash myself. I just want someone there in case I pass out due to the heat of the shower, and the stress of the effort.
Again, this is part of why the ad says:
NO MALE APPLICANTS.
Preference given to someone to can come on such short notice as soon as possible.
Other job duties and description of the job for the first round of the job, the hospital visit:
I need someone to come to my house to help me pack, come with my to the emergency room and hospital for as long as it takes in the emergency room and hospital , to establish care. Then once I’m safe and stable in the hospital, then you can go home for the night— but I need you to come back the next day asap early in the morning, for when doctors make rounds and doctors come talk to me. Etc.
So I would need you in the hospital probably for at least the first 24 hours.
I would PREFER a caregiver who doesn’t have to leave the hospital at all. Someone who basically can act as a surrogate family member, and just stay with me the whole time. You can sleep in my hospital room. There is usually a special reclining chair or even a fold out bed in the room, meant for family members/friends, that you can use. :)
(Hence why it’s $500 in 24 hours. It’s a 24 job at first.)
But seriously 90% of your time at the hospital, you can chill. It will be is down time. When doctors and nurses aren’t around, you can just chill and do whatever you want. I don’t care what you do, as long as it is reasonable. You can sleep, play on your phone, or you can bring your video game console and play video games (I’d love to play video games with you), heck you can even bring your laptop and do work for a different job! I don’t care! I only require that you put it aside and pause it when doctors/nurses are in the room, and pay attention to them in case the make mistakes, so you can be my witness for a medical malpractice lawsuit later if anything goes wrong again (Dear God I hope nothing going wrong again!).
And i require you pause what you’re doing and help me when I ask for help with something (usually like getting me a blanket or ice chips, etc).
You can sleep in the family chair/family bed in the room overnight, be there tomorrow morning when doctors make rounds, and preferably afternoon when more doctors make more rounds.
if you don’t want to sleep at the hospital, you can go home. I guess. But I need you to be here helping all day today. (then go home for a sleep break at night.)
And you will HAVE to be back by 6:30am, EVERY DAY. On the dot. The nurses and doctors at hospitals start doing stuff at 7am, and I need my caregiver present for that! . Then stay all day.
Repeat for as many days as I am hospitalized. (I am guessing 3-7 days)
But at minimum if I find a good person to come help me pack and come with me to the emergency department all day today —then please still apply. That’s still useful.
And then a second person can apply to come do the caregiver/advocate job on Thursday/Friday/however many days I am hospitalized.
Side note: if this goes well, I also need a caregiver for a longer period of time, roughly 20 hours week, afternoons 3-5 days a week.
Another note: yes, you might have seen my past caregiver ads (admittedly a more panicked one because I was wayyyy sicker and more rushed back then. And I was panicking more those times) and a cleaning ad. Yep, also me.
This will be my third hospitalization in a month. I’m THAT SICK. The initial food poisoning a month ago, turned into a stomach and/or intestine infection, which turned into a bowel obstruction, which turned into micro abdominal tears, which turned into additional infections… and I’m still sick! actually sicker than I was a month ago! Sicker than I was 2 weeks ago! , I need to go back to the hospital AGAIN. Third time. Ugh.
The second time, I decided not to hire anyone to come with me and just think to myself “it’s an emergency. Just call 911 and just go. The medical malpractice potential cannot be THAT BAD. Surely the hospital staff will be legally required to do the right things.)
BIG MISTAKE. (Spoiler alert: many doctors and nurses did NOT do the right things. And then they just lied in my chart about it, which is illegal, to try to hide their medical malpractice.)
And now I have to get a lawyer to deal with the new medical malpractice because it was that awful!
Never again am I going to the hospital alone!
NEVER AGAIN. NEVER AGAIN.
And if you have loved ones, please do not let them go to the hospital alone either. Bad stuff happens to people who go to the hospital alone.
Did you know that PREVENTABLE medical malpractice kills 200,000-400,000 Americans EVERY YEAR?!?!?
I’m not talking, “400,000 people die from their illnesses at hjspthals. Their illnesses and injuries that they went there killed them.”
No the statistic is: “400,000
People die from medical malpractice from PREVENTABLE DEATHS. That means: their original injuries or illnesses that the person went to the hospital for, did not kill them. They could have lived, if medical malpractice did not happen. Medical mistakes and medical abuse from bad doctors and bad nurses killed them. The hospital staff ESSENTIALLY MURDERED THEM.”
400,000 GET MURDERED BY ABUSIVE DOCTORS AND NURSES. EVERY YEAR. IN THE USA.
Never again will I go to the hospital alone.
They can do anything terrible they want to you alone, and then lie in your chart AND EVEN BLAME YOU— and most of the time they legally get away with it—because it’s just their word against yours, if you’re alone without someone else there to back you up.
CNA/Nursing/medical experience preferred. But medical certification is not 100% necessary. But medical experience IS REQUIRED.
FOR example: I personally have no medical certificates, but I DO have tons of medical experience. I’m a huge medical nerd and sadly I have tons of life experience. I’ve been chronically ill for 18 years.
(For the second caregiver job which comes after the hospital: we can discuss the hourly rate or salary and hours and job description later. this post is already probably too long, LOL! But if I find a caregiver who I really like, then we could potentially to turn this into a more long term 3-5 a day week, afternoons, with normal caregiver job duties, type of thing. My guess is 3-5 days a week in afternoons around $20 an hour, but, there’s some budgeting and other complications we’d need to straight out. Later. But if you’re willing and I like you, this could turn into a longer term thing, potentially.
Back to the hospital first first short term job:
TEXTING PREFERRED.
I guess you can call.
But I would prefer you send me a text summary about yourself. I will call you if I like the summary, and if I decide to give you an interview. :)
My old ad used to say, no calls. Well, that’s because I have focal seizures/simple partial seizures/a type of part of the brain seizures, snd it messes with my ability to talk verbally.
Each seizure freezes the part of my brain responsible for making words in my brain. It SUCKS. Also each seizure is painful like stabbing knives in my brain.
I get hundreds or thousands of these seizures a day. Yes, my life is a living hell on earth right now.
So when my seizure medications are not kicked in: I get thousands of seizures a day, interrupting my speech every 5-20 seconds (a living nightmare).
Even WITH the seizure meds kicked in:
I still get the seizures sometimes. So if I suddenly go silent when talking, or if I say “hold on”. That’s because I know I am about to have a seizure. Please be patient and wait quietly for it pass.
Unfortunately as anyone with seizure experience will tell you: seizures get worse when the person is sicker. So they’re pretty bad right now, unfortunately. :(
Because when I get really sick and feel crappy, and I’m so sick right now, the seizures get worse. So talking is semi-difficult again.
So please text me. I’ll choose to call you, if I like your texts.
Exception to the rule: unless you are part of a professional caregiver company. I would LOVE to hire someone from a company (it’s much more reliable). If you are a company, or professionally licensed and insured: Please call.
And also still please text if you can. LOL.