WANTED: Carpenter Gods (or Goddesses) of Construction
Tired of your current gig? Do you dream in dimensional lumber and wake up with sawdust in your beard (or perfectly applied lipstick, no judgment)? Then listen up, because I've got a proposition you can't refuse (unless you're allergic to money and/or the sweet sound of a perfectly hammered nail).
I'm searching for a carpenter of legendary proportions. Someone who can not only build a house from the ground up (literally, foundation to finish), but can also entertain the crew with a rousing rendition of "God Bless America" while hoisting a 50lb bag of concrete mix over their head. Bonus points if you can leap tall buildings in a single bound, but honestly, just clearing a stack of two-by-fours without a running start is impressive enough.
Your Skills (Because You're Awesome):
Foundation formwork: You laugh in the face of concrete.
Rough framing: You're a master of studs (the wooden kind, get your mind out of the gutter).
Finish carpentry: You make trim look so good, it could win a beauty pageant.
Siding: You're the shield against the elements, an authentic siding superhero.
Communication: You can actually explain what you're doing without resorting to grunts and pointing.
Teamwork/Solo Work: You play well with others, but can also handle a project like a lone wolf (a highly skilled lone wolf).
Your Perks (Because You Deserve It):
$1,200-$1,400 a week (enough to fund your hunting trips, your shoe addiction, or your collection of vintage thimbles – whatever floats your boat).
The sheer satisfaction of creating something beautiful and functional.
The admiration of squirrels (they love a well-built birdhouse).
The chance to work with… Some awesome tradesmen and wonderful clients
Your Catch (Because There's Always a Catch):
You must be clean-cut (no, I don't mean you have to be a choirboy/girl, just reasonably presentable).
You must have a sense of humor (because if you can't laugh at a crooked nail, you're in the wrong business).
You must be comfortable with the occasional spontaneous burst of patriotic song (see above).
So, if you're a financially secure, super-skilled carpenter with a penchant for power ballads and a love of construction, then what are you waiting for? Reply to this ad with your resume (or a funny story about your biggest construction fail, I'm flexible). Let's build something amazing together!