I run a small business and need a full time assistant for random tasks.
Must have solid computer skills for random computerized tasks from installing & supporting software task automation. (If you've never installed an operating system, this is not for you.) (If you don't know what an operating system is, or that you are using one right now, this REALLY isn't for you. But enjoy reading the rest of this ad for giggles if you wish).
Must have a flexible schedule and your own vehicle/drivers license for random errand running (mileage reimbursed). May involve occasional lifting of around 50lbs.
Must have a good attitude, high ethical standards and tell strange jokes at random. Good working knowledge of seemingly unimportant information a plus.
Must be willing to learn new things. Even if you have to figure them out on your own. Google it, YouTube it, go to the library, just figure it out without whining.
Also may be required to randomly listen to fellow employees who have really screwed up their life in some way and need a shoulder to cry on (no actual touching required).
Other random miscellaneous duties may include: taking out the trash, shredding company documents as instructed and forgetting you ever saw them, assembling things and stuff, cleaning the bathroom, shoveling snow when the shovel guy no-shows, making a sandwich, assembling office furniture, waiting on customers in a retail environment, taste testing for the cook, reviewing hours of surveillance footage, fetching my dry cleaning, acting smart yet humble, delivering food, assembling exercise equipment to hang clothes on, price checking, scanning documents for hours at a time, data entry, assembling office equipment, installing an operating system, organizing computer equipment and wires, painting things, dusting things, fixing things, adjusting things, inventing things, modifying things and occasionally breaking things. Note: this list is just the tip of the ice berg, from here it gets really random.