Craiglist house cleaner ad
I need someone to come help clean my home today. Female job applicants only. Not because I am a creepy male perv who wants a female housekeeper, but because I am a fellow female.
If you are a creepy male pervert, you need not apply to try to get at me: I have 2 large pet dogs who are very protective if mommy screams, as well as a gun. (Don’t worry, the dogs are friendly if you are friendly. As am I.)
The job is first come, first serve (I’m posting this around 4pm on May 30th)
Ideally I would like to get my house cleaned by the end of this evening.
Quick version of the story is:
I was in the hospital 2 weeks with really severe food poisoning, and some food in my house went bad. As well as at the same time my roommate moved out (it was scheduled) but he was a jerk and left some of the place a bit messy.
I am severely allergic to mold, and also still recovering, so I cannot clean a lot myself. I asked my dad to take inside my groceries I had ordered at the time that I got the food poisoning and put them away and help clean the mess from food poisoning, he took the food inside… but didn’t put all the cold groceries away, he missed a bunch, and they went bad. Sigh.
There is also some pre existing food in the fridge from before that went bad while I was in the hospital too.
It is not, like, any scary level rotten bad. It’s not like on the level of: “The fridge is growing fuzzy biohazard let’s after a hurricane level, wear a gas mask to open the refrigerator” level bad. Not remotely. More like, “oh that smells a bit old. it needs to be thrown out.”
Honestly, every other NORMAL HEALTHY person would be able to clean out the fridges and throw out the rotten food EASILY, and do every other job on this list EASILY, with no problem—but I just happen to be severely allergic to mold and bacteria toxins, so I need to avoid handling these things i myself. As well as the fact that I just spent two weeks in the hospital with food poisoning and throwing up blood and getting blood transfusion. And I am deathly allergic to mold and bacteria toxins. So. I need to avoid doing these jobs myself.
I would do it myself if I could. But I really should be resting instead.
Slightly more gross but honest part of the job:
I also need help cleaning up after the food poisoning events. Don’t worry, It is not the worst. I think 99-100% of it made it into trash bags and vomit bags. But frankly I was pretty sick, so there’s a slight chance there’s some vomit that needs help mopping up in the bathroom. And the toilet looks like, well, food poisoning. Lol. If you have a pair of long rubber gloves, or you want to grab a pair or two on the way here, I will reimburse you for them. My roommate took most of the supplies with him, rudely.
So EVEN BETTER if you come bearing cleaning supplies (preference will be given to people with cleaning supplies). Like if you are a house cleaner yourself so you already have supplies.
But it isn’t a deal breaker if you do not come with supplies. You can show up here, inspect the place, tell me what supplies you need. And we can order them on an app, I’ll pay for them, and you can go pick them up from the store.
Full disclosure, I need help cleaning up bags of vomit. I don’t think there is active vomit or biohazards that are dangerous to anyone sitting out, I do believe that it all made it into vomit bags. But still. I do have a whole box of nitrile gloves that will be provided.
Also, in the interest of full information disclosure, I take prescription injectable medication (it is not illegal drugs, it is nothing that gets anyone high, it is a mandatory prescription that I need to stay alive). Every needle is capped and/or safety feature popped. There shouldn’t be anything sharp laying around. But I wanted to say that, so that if you show up and see used medication syringe cartridges, even with needles covered, you aren’t shocked.
And there is bathrooms that need cleaning on various levels. 1 very dirty bathroom and 2 barely dirty bathrooms that needs to be cleaned.
And the main floor kitchen/living room needs to be swept and mopped. And the main floor fridge wiped out. It’s already 99% empty. My roommate moved out whole I was in the hospital. It has random fridge crumbs in it, but nothing that messy. No like spilled puddles or anything.
It sounds like a lot in writing, but it really is less than it seems. Many of the jobs are quick It’s:
- grab black trash bags on the way here 10 min
- throw away food from inside grocery bags. 10 min.
- throw away food from inside mini fridge 10 min
- throw away sick day trash. 10 min.
- clean downstairs fridge. 20 min.
- clean bathroom 1, the messiest, which includes picking up dirty nose tissue trash, cleaning toilet, wipe down of the shower, floors don’t need mopped, general tidying up. Idk how long
- clean bathroom 2 (toilet already clean so skip that, swiffer mop floor)
- clean bathroom 3 (toilet already clean, again, just swiffer mop floors and clean sink)
- sweep and mop downstairs
I am okay if this job is split into 2 days.
But frankly I think it is probably accomplishable in just 1 evening. 2-5 hours, depending on your working speed.
Like I said, in writing it sounds like a lot more work than it is. If I felt healthier myself, I could probably knock all this stuff out in a few hours, in one evening.
Do not email. I will not be checking my email for this job listing.
Please no calls initially. Texting is preferred initially. Calling can come after the text portion of the interview is successful, to verify that we both are who we both say that we are. But I do not want to be spammed with calls up front, because my head hurts.
So preference will initially be given to people who text me.
Also please be someone who can be humble and follow directions. I have specific directions to give for my health stuff.
Thanks.
Edit update: OMG I accidentally mis-typed my phone number! No wonder why I got no responses! So the job is still up for grabs! (It’s about 8pm now. Sigh. This might be a 2 day job now. Come grab the rotten food tonight and do the bathroom cleanings tomorrow or something along those lines.)